oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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