How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
