I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
