I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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