The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
