every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
