He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
