There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
