I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
