you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
