at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think your dad took our porno
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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