I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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