K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
