just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
