Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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