you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
