having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
