We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
