yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
