drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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