She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this will be a night to untag.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
