So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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