I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
