I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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