I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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