Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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