Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
