When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
