if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize