im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
