You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
