question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
