You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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