awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
