Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
