I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just google imaged poop.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
