M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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