Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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