I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
