Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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