A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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