She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
