take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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