Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
