I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
