I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize