Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
