she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
