Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
