Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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