I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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