So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
