I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
