sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize