imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
