dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
