So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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