how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
