Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
