when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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