Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
