Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
