I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
