So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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