Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize