I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
