Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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