I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
