i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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