Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
