I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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