the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
