at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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