so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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