It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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