I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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