mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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