Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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