id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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