My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
