Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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