guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
