rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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