I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
